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Hi
It is almost done! My new book Secrets of Successful Couples is just about finished and will be released in July 2010. I am very excited and can’t wait to share the knowledge I acquired about creating a successful relationship with your partner.
In this book, I surveyed 100 couples who have been together at least 10 years and are both happy and satisfied with their relationship. It wasn’t surprising to learn how they employ Dr. Glasser’s Caring Habits in their relationship and have discovered the secret of appreciating their partner instead of trying to change him or her.
I am, however, a little stuck.. I have come up with 12 subtitles for my book and I can’t choose! Can you help me? All I need is for you to pick your three favorite subtitles from an anonymous survey.
Please go to Secrets of Successful Couples: Subtitles for Book and check your three favorites. Your input would be greatly appreciated.
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Today I was confronted with a situation that challenged my thinking for sure. I had begun my day reading The Mastery of Love by Don Miguel Ruiz. In it he told a story about real love. Love is something we create when we are happy from the inside out. We can never make our partner responsible for our happiness. Things don’t work that way. When you expect that from your partner, you are asking for an impossibility.
I thought I understood that when I read it but just in case I needed an example, the universe sent me one today. One of the things I like to do with my boyfriend is go bike riding. About four years ago, we bought bikes with the thought we would ride together regularly. While I wouldn’t exactly call what we do regular, we do ride together a couple times each summer. I don’t generally ride without him because I don’t like taking my bike apart to put in my car and he has a truck that can transport both our bikes. And to be completely honest, it isn’t as enjoyable for me to ride alone. He can ride with or without me and have a wonderful time. He rode last week.
Today he came to my neighborhood to ride a track right by my house. I was available and could have gone with him but he didn’t even ask me to. He called me when he was finished. I was so upset to think he was right here and didn’t even invite me along.
For many people, you probably think my hurt and anger are justified but I kept thinking about what I had read today. Ruiz talks about how we believe lies we were told. One of those lies is that if someone loves you they want to do everything with you and that you have a right to be upset if your partner doesn’t want to be with you.
True love is the unconditional support of another. It is NOT waiting around for your partner to “make you happy.” If I want to ride, I can ride pretty much any day and any time. If I want to ride with him, I can ask him. Instead, I am moping around because he didn’t invite me! What I lesson for today.
Thank you. I think I’ve got it now but I’m sure You’ll find other ways to remind me and to drive the lesson home.
My big word for today is excitement. I am so excited about the peer review process. I didn’t take time for that in my first book and wow, I am so glad I’m doing it now with Secrets of Successful Couples.
The way it works is that I send out a chapter of my book to other relationship experts in the field. I ask four different experts to read each chapter. I have 16 chapters so that’s a total of 64 experts. I’m finding a lot of them on selfgrowth.com and on the Internet. I haven’t had anyone turn me down yet. It is exciting to have other experts critique my work and add some of their own suggestions.
I know it will make my book a better one for having gone through this process. Very exciting.
I had a conversation yesterday with someone who helped me realize money cannot buy happiness and the loss of it can cause incredible heartache.
My friend lives in an affluent area where recently there have been three suicides. These are all people who have had, at least at one time, sufficient money to afford the million dollar homes in which they were living.
As long as they were able to have that affluent lifestyle, they were satisfied. The problem with being dependent on money for happiness is that it is unreliable. You may have it one day and lose it the next. You may become so dependent upon it that you would do anything to attain more, more, more–even risking everything, including your family’s safety.
When the money was gone, it appears the next step was suicide for at least three people. This is not a major news flash. One can see it often in economic downturns. There are suicides on Wall St. and in affluent areas everywhere.
I am not opposed to money. I am not opposed to the things money can buy but if I learned one lesson from this conversation, it’s to not become so dependent on money or a particular lifestyle that you don’t know how to function without it.
I am certainly not passing judgment on those individuals who saw no other way out of their difficulties except through suicide. I wasn’t there. I don’t know them. I am not privy to the details of their situation. I only know that the money they felt was so important to provide a particular lifestyle for themselves and their families caused them to leave loved ones behind who I believe would gladly give back any financial gain for one more day with those who are gone.
How about you? What are your thoughts about money and maintaining balance?
I learned a very important lesson today. I had a friend who needed me two week ago. She didn’t actually call me. I called her. When she returned my call, it was the following day and I was unavailable. I was actually in a very challenging place regarding communication. There was no cell reception and my hotel did not have Internet.
This person had sent me an email letting me know there had been two suicides over the weekend in her community. I thought that was terrible but I wasn’t able to answer. I did get an email off explaining my situation but failed to mention the suicide. When I got to civilization, I phoned her again, leaving her a message about my availability and again did not mention the suicide.
I thought she would have phoned me sometime this week but she didn’t so today, I phoned her. She called me back and explained how angry she was with me. It turns out these suicide victims were very close friends of hers. She has been struggling, trying to make sense of it all and needed me but I basically abandoned her. I didn’t recognize the significance of the situation and prioritize my attention to the matter.
Fortunately, she forgave me. And I have learned that when people reach out to me, I need to do more to give my attention and connect.
When was the last time you had such a serious breach of trust in a friendship and what did you do about it?
Today was a day of total focus on my book project, Secrets of Successful Couples. I will be attending the Reality Therapy conference in July in Nashville, TN and want there published and ready for sale.
I still have to send out my chapters for peer review. Yesterday, I got John Gray, author of Men are from Mars; Women are from Venus to agree to review the pages where I mention his work. That is a big deal. I have to work on other relationship experts to review each chapter.
I talked to one of the best cover designers, Dunn & Associates. They designed the cover of my last book, Leveraging Diversity at Work. They are awesome designers but they are expensive. I spoke to one designer today who will design a cover for $850 and Dunn & Associates are at the other end at $3500. It is not as hard a decision as it seems. I understand the cover is what sells books so I will be hiring the Dunns. The question is how will I finance the book? I will be looking in Small Business loans.
This is a book that will help couples understand what stage of relationship they are in and what to do at each stage for maximum benefit. With all the people I talk to in a year, I find most are saying they have great need of this book. There are so many people who are in unsatisfying relationships or no relationship at all. I believe this book will help so many people who are suffering and unhappy, I can’t wait to get it out!
If you want a free downloadable chapter of Secrets of Successful Couples, then go to Secrets of Successful Couples and give me your name and email address. You will also receive advance notice when the book is due for release.
Today was the kind of day many may find ordinary but when you take the time to make the ordinary extraordinary, every day is an amazing day!
I began the day in the arms of the man I love. Already, a beautiful start to an awesome day. Then we went our separate ways momentarily to prepare for the day.
Marcus was performing his Nat King Cole & friends show at the Skokie Theatre and I was going along for the ride and the entertainment. It was a beautiful day in Chicago. The ride was uneventful but filled with pleasant conversation.
When people began to arrive for the show, an entire bus load of seniors came from the south suburbs. They were excited for a good show and Marcus did not disappoint them. I really enjoy being in the audience for the show, but also to experience the emotions and comments of other audience members. Marcus has a way of touching lives with his music and messages that is an amazing thing to see.
After the show, I was able to sell 16 of his CDs (available at http://www.marcusgmusic.com/webstore.html), while listening to people’s stories of their experience of his show. It truly was moving.
After that, Marcus wanted to take me to eat. We went to Ruby Tuesday because I love their salad bar and Typhoon Shrimp. We had a great meal and again wonderful conversation, processing the performance from all angles.
On the way home, Marcus took us the route that goes next to Lake Michigan. It was a fabulous day with lots of sunshine but it was still cool. It was easy to believe we were at the ocean because there were white caps and waves with one lone boat on the water. It was picturesque and relaxing. Again, more conversation.
When we got back to his house, it was time for him to do a little work, while I busied myself on his piano. I love to play there because he has a real piano and not just a keyboard. Also, he actually appreciates my music and wants to hear more. That’s such a gift to a pianist.
Later he read a chapter of my book, Secrets of Successful Couples, and gave his comments. It’s so wonderful to be involved with a someone with whom I share so many things–music, work, passion, belief systems.
And well, I won’t share the perfect ending of a perfect day. I’ll leave that to your imagination but I warn you, even your imagination won’t be as great as the reality in this case.
When was the last time you had an extraordinary day? I bet it could be today if you decide to experience that way. Let me know your experiences.
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