Do you know your love language based on the work of Dr. Gary Chapman? Mine is clearly quality time so if you are in my life and want me to know you love me, then you would spend quality time with me.

Last night I got a healthy dose of romance and quality time with my guy! He wanted me to come over early so we could have time outside before dark to just sit, watch the neighborhood and talk about whatever was on our minds. We love talking with each other and never run out of things to say.

Then, he wanted to cook for me. Now, my guy is a great cook and is particularly talented with an outdoor grill and the George Foreman. Last night, he fired up the George Foreman and grilled me some lamb and shrimp that were delicious. He opened a bottle of wine and the romance began!

It was a wonderful night. One I definitely wouldn’t have wanted to miss.

I did a little shopping on my way home to pick up a gift for Kayla Marie’s trunk party tomorrow. I’m very excited to go. I’ve never even heard of a trunk party so it should be interesting.

Today was a great day. I found out that Greenleaf is going to be the distributor of my book. This is really great news because they are a well-known, reputable distributor, who only represent about 50 titles a year. They receive 1,000s of books, only choose 50 and Secrets of Happy Couples is going to be one of them! I am so excited about this.

Today marked the 11th anniversary of my husband’s death. I tend not to anticipate the day but it definitely hits me when I write the date. I also like to stay vigilant because my children are aware of the date. I tend to think of my husband more in October–the day of his birthday and the date of our wedding anniversary. I prefer to remember happy days.

In some ways it doesn’t seem like it’s possible it’s been 11 years already and on the other hand, it feels very recent. I am thankful for all the support I have found in my life. I even get great support from my children now. Isn’t it great when things come full circle?

Wow, I know it’s been a long time since I last blogged but I have literally been consumed with every involving my book, Secrets of Happy Couples. Life is great. I’m happy.

Today was a nice day of semi-relaxing. Woke up with Marcus and the rain. I love when I can be in bed with no particular place to go in a rain storm. It’s very relaxing. But, after all life happens. So, I couldn’t stay in bed.

My first appointment of the day happened with coaching a group of authors. This was not my usual group, but rather a substitution I did for another coach who had a family emergency. The group was very dynamic. I enjoyed working with them very much. They are all writing great books that contribute to humanity in a big way. Great fun.

After that I had to go to Best Buy to get my computer monitor. It was malfunctioning. They sent it out for repair and couldn’t repair it so I got a brand new one since mine was still under warranty. You gotta love those extended warranties!

A very significant thing happened today! I got the most amazing testimonial for my book that was completely unsolicited.  On Friday I was working with a computer guy by remote access. He happened to see my book cover up on my computer and asked about it. I think he is fairly young and was describing the difficulties he’s having in his relationship. Everything he mentioned, I thought, “I have something in the book that speaks to that.” I offered to send him a free copy and he said he would read it.

Today he sent me an email. It said: “I wanted to say thank you for writing this book. I read the whole thing cover to cover over the weekend. I can honestly say it was an educational process and i have learned a lot. This has helped my relationship and me understand things that i didn’t before. I just wanted to let you know that this book has changed my life in a very positive way and regardless of the outcome of my relationship this book has had a great impact on my life. ”

I was so humbled and honored that this creation of mine helped him that much. I felt so good.

Today was a day of accomplishment and a huge step toward one of my goals for this year. I turned my manuscript for Secrets of Happy Couples to my editor. She wanted it today by noon. I’m really happy she’s on the west coast–that gave me two extra hours. My deadline was 2 PM and I got it to her at 2:05! I was desperately working on it right down to the wire but wow, what a great feeling to be able to put it in her capable hands.

Afterward, my guy offered to take me out to celebrate. He’s such a great guy. We drove into the city, did a little shopping and then found an obscure restaurant on the northside. It had ambiance, great food, big portions and reasonable prices. What more could you ask for? It was perfect!

I was so ready to go to bed when we got home. I have been burning the candle at both ends trying to get this book finished. I’m so relieved to have the book out of my hands but now the hard work starts. I have to create a marketing plan.

Anyone know anything about marketing non-fiction?

Hi

It is almost done! My new book Secrets of Successful Couples is just about finished and will be released in July 2010. I am very excited and can’t wait to share the knowledge I acquired about creating a successful relationship with your partner.

In this book, I surveyed 100 couples who have been together at least 10 years and are both happy and satisfied with their relationship. It wasn’t surprising to learn how they employ Dr. Glasser’s Caring Habits in their relationship and have discovered the secret of appreciating their partner instead of trying to change him or her.

I am, however, a little stuck.. I have come up with 12 subtitles for my book and I can’t choose! Can you help me? All I need is for you to pick your three favorite subtitles from an anonymous survey.

Please go to Secrets of Successful Couples: Subtitles for Book and check your three favorites. Your input would be greatly appreciated.

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Today I was confronted with a situation that challenged my thinking for sure. I had begun my day reading The Mastery of Love by Don Miguel Ruiz. In it he told a story about real love. Love is something we create when we are happy from the inside out. We can never make our partner responsible for our happiness. Things don’t work that way. When you expect that from your partner, you are asking for an impossibility.

I thought I understood that when I read it but just in case I needed an example, the universe sent me one today. One of the things I like to do with my boyfriend is go bike riding. About four years ago, we bought bikes with the thought we would ride together regularly. While I wouldn’t exactly call what we do regular, we do ride together a couple times each summer. I don’t generally ride without him because I don’t like taking my bike apart to put in my car and he has a truck that can transport both our bikes. And to be completely honest, it isn’t as enjoyable for me to ride alone. He can ride with or without me and have a wonderful time. He rode last week.

Today he came to my neighborhood to ride a track right by my house. I was available and could have gone with him but he didn’t even ask me to. He called me when he was finished. I was so upset to think he was right here and didn’t even invite me along.

For many people, you probably think my hurt and anger are justified but I kept thinking about what I had read today. Ruiz talks about how we believe lies we were told. One of those lies is that if someone loves you they want to do everything with you and that you have a right to be upset if your partner doesn’t want to be with you.

True love is the unconditional support of another. It is NOT waiting around for your partner to “make you happy.” If I want to ride, I can ride pretty much any day and any time. If I want to ride with him, I can ask him. Instead, I am moping around because he didn’t invite me! What I lesson for today.

Thank you. I think I’ve got it now but I’m sure You’ll find other ways to remind me and to drive the lesson home.

My big word for today is excitement. I am so excited about the peer review process. I didn’t take time for that in my first book and wow, I am so glad I’m doing it now with Secrets of Successful Couples.

The way it works is that I send out a chapter of my book to other relationship experts in the field. I ask four different experts to read each chapter. I have 16 chapters so that’s a total of 64 experts. I’m finding a lot of them on selfgrowth.com and on the Internet. I haven’t had anyone turn me down yet. It is exciting to have other experts critique my work and add some of their own suggestions.

I know it will make my book a better one for having gone through this process. Very exciting.

I had a conversation yesterday with someone who helped me realize money cannot buy happiness and the loss of it can cause incredible heartache.

My friend lives in an affluent area where recently there have been three suicides. These are all people who have had, at least at one time, sufficient money to afford the million dollar homes in which they were living.

As long as they were able to have that affluent lifestyle, they were satisfied. The problem with being dependent on money for happiness is that it is unreliable. You may have it one day and lose it the next. You may become so dependent upon it that you would do anything to attain more, more, more–even risking everything, including your family’s safety.

When the money was gone, it appears the next step was suicide for at least three people. This is not a major news flash. One can see it often in economic downturns. There are suicides on Wall St. and in affluent areas everywhere.

I am not opposed to money. I am not opposed to the things money can buy but if I learned one lesson from this conversation, it’s to not become so dependent on money or a particular lifestyle that you don’t know how to function without it.

I am certainly not passing judgment on those individuals who saw no other way out of their difficulties except through suicide. I wasn’t there. I don’t know them. I am not privy to the details of their situation. I only know that the money they felt was so important to provide a particular lifestyle for themselves and their families caused them to leave loved ones behind who I believe would gladly give back any financial gain for one more day with those who are gone.

How about you? What are your thoughts about money and maintaining balance?

I learned a very important lesson today. I had a friend who needed me two week ago. She didn’t actually call me. I called her. When she returned my call, it was the following day and I was unavailable. I was actually in a very challenging place regarding communication. There was no cell reception and my hotel did not have Internet.

This person had sent me an email letting me know there had been two suicides over the weekend in her community. I thought that was terrible but I wasn’t able to answer. I did get an email off explaining my situation but failed to mention the suicide. When I got to civilization, I phoned her again, leaving her a message about my availability and again did not mention the suicide.

I thought she would have phoned me sometime this week but she didn’t so today, I phoned her. She called me back and explained how angry she was with me. It turns out these suicide victims were very close friends of hers. She has been struggling, trying to make sense of it all and needed me but I basically abandoned her. I didn’t recognize the significance of the situation and prioritize my attention to the matter.

Fortunately, she forgave me. And I have learned that when people reach out to me, I need to do more to give my attention and connect.

When was the last time you had such a serious breach of trust in a friendship and what did you do about it?